Inventory of 2009

I read this on the always enjoyable Blakery and found this fill-in-the-blank template from Mary Schmich at The Chicago Tribune and thought I would give it a try. Because Blake's right: what else can parents of toddlers do on new year's eve?

In 2009, I think I gained a few more pounds when Olsen was able to tolerate dairy, because that meant the return of ice cream and cheese to my diet!

I lost some confidence in my ability to balance my roles as student and mom. I hope to really work on this in 2010.

I stopped showering daily. It's not really possible with a toddler. But I want to try and get up early to exercise so if that can happen, then I will be back to showering daily. :)

I started Olsen in daycare twice a week and still have mixed feelings about it.

I was hugely satisfied by some things I actually got done regarding schoolwork this past year.

And frustrated by the things I didn't get done.

I am so embarassed that I freaked out about my lack of progress in my Ph.D world in front of Meg and Joanna. (They were wonderful and helpful though.)

Once again, I said I would eat more vegetables and cook much more instead of getting pizza all of the time.

Once again, I did not do that nearly as much I should have.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and me this January is the extra pounds, I guess I would have to say again.

The biggest psychological difference is that I am much less worried about Olsen's physical health. His digestive system has not given him any trouble for several months now.

I loved spending time with my little toddler. He's so funny.

Why did I spend even two minutes stressed out about what I should be doing instead of just doing it?!

I should have spent more time making more progress on my degree.

I watched way too much TV!

I didn't exercise nearly enough.

Graduate school drove me crazy.

The most relaxing place I went to was Estes Park this past summer.

Why did I go to Athens, GA and leave my toddler-baby for 5 days?

The best thing I did for someone else was try to be helpful and easily accessible.

The best thing I did for myself was use a little bit of the time Olsen was in daycare to have some lunch dates with Adrian.

The one thing I'd like to do again, but do it better, is parent Olsen. (I borrowed that from Blake).

Happy New Year and New Decade!

2010 - the year of Lucy surgeries

It looks like 2010 will be the year of Lucy surgeries. Our little girl seems to be falling apart. Last month she was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and surgery is recommended since she cannot really walk very well right now. Last week she was running in excitement and hurt herself. We thought it was her hips but it turns out that she tore her cruciate ligament in her left knee, so she needs surgery on that first. And then after 6 months (!) she can get one hip done and then 3 months later, the other hip. Then after all that, she needs to get a tooth pulled. In the meantime, Lucy will have to take it easy and can only have minimal exercise. She's a little overweight so I'm not sure how we will be able to get her to lose any weight or at the very least not gain any more until she is recovered.

Lucy in the leaves, a few years ago, a few pounds lighter.

last semester recap!

I think last semester went well for the most part. Olsen started going to an in-home daycare two days a week, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. He is generally more sad and grumpy on Tuesdays and is nicer on Wednesdays. I hope that soon he will actually look forward to going. He always enjoys lunch there at least.

I also went to a conference in Athens, GA and left little Olsen for five whole days. Poor Adrian. But he handled it really well and they both survived. I didn't use that trip as an opportunity to wean, though. He still likes to nurse and I thought it might be a good thing to do through flu season at least. It is interesting to me how some people think that Olsen is too old to nurse but at the same time are fine with 2 and 3-year olds with pacifiers and bottles. oh well, some American ideas can be puzzling.

I don't know if I made as much progress on my degree as I would have liked. I'd really like to step it up this next semester. I think Adrian feels the same and can hopefully finish his masters soon. I'd really like to take and pass my comprehensive exams by the beginning part of next fall. We'll see if that happens. Maybe that will be a new year's resolution.

a little frustrated

I've been trying to work my graduate school life around Olsen, so anytime I get any free time from Olsen, I HAVE to spend it doing work, because being a Ph.D student is supposed to be a full-time job. Plus I am getting paid pretty generously (in terms of graduate stipends) to be a graduate student, and I need to make sure that I earn it. But this leaves me with no time to myself to do something that I would consider fun. This is horrible, but sometimes I feel a little resentful that Adrian has his soccer that he plays twice a week and is in an all-day tournament today. I'm glad he has the opportunity to play soccer and get his exercise and he really is a HUGE help with Olsen, but sometimes I wish I had something similar for myself. But really, it doesn't matter, because like I said, whenever I do get the time away from Olsen, I can't really justify doing anything other than work (plus, I'm also a little behind where I should be in my graduate program). I don't know - I'm just frustrated and a little discouraged right now. I need some balance in my life and right now, I'm just not sure that it's possible. Maybe it will be when Olsen gets a little older...

Estes Park and the Rocky Mountains

We had a fun vacation at Estes Park, CO. We were fortunate to get to use the cabin that Adrian's dad is offered every other year from his former company. It was so beautiful and right in the boundary of Rocky Mountain National Park.

Olsen was actually pretty good on the ride over. We started in the evening and stopped after about 1.5 hours in Evanston, WY so Olsen could crawl around in the park. Then we stopped again in this complex called Little America (a respite from the desolate WY landscape with a hotel, restaurant, travel center, playground and 50-cent icecream cones!) to eat dinner. By that time, it was about Olsen's bedtime so he pretty much slept the rest of the way to Fort Collins.

The next day we went to our cabin and settled in.

Olsen loved the piano in the cabin.

The views were incredible from the big picture windows. We played some shuffleboard and explored Estes Park and the downtown area.

On Sunday, we decided to hike a trail right behind our cabin, the Deer Mountain Trail. Our cabin sits at 8300 feet, so the elevation is a bit higher than Logan (4500 feet) and we felt it! It was a nice hike but later we found out we didn't quite reach the top. Oh well, we got to hike and I was a little anxious to get back before Olsen got too much sun.

Monday: We decided to take it easy and went to explore the Bear Lake area in RMNP. The trails around the lakes there are accessible to wheelchairs so we brought Olsen's stroller. The Bear Lake area is very popular and the parking lot fills up very quickly in the morning, so we had to ride the shuttle bus over. Olsen enjoyed people watching on the bus and two older Aggies asked if Olsen was named after Olsen Field after noting his name on his helmet. Bear Lake and Nymph Lake were nice and we saw a friend of ours who is doing her graduate work in the area and took her survey on visitor perceptions. I was pretty surprised at how many people were in the Park. I expected crowds in places like Smoky Mountains and Yosemite but for some reason, I didn't expect the degree of crowding that we encountered in Rocky Mountain. In some ways, I feel like the large crowd can detract from the experience but then at the same time, I think it's great that a lot of people want to come out to national parks and experience the wilderness. Perhaps, national parks are not really the place to go if one is in seek of solitude.

The lilies were in bloom at Nymph Lake

Tuesday: We drove along Trail Ridge Road in the Park. We stopped at the Alpine Visitor Center (the highest visitor center in the park system) and hiked a short trail to a look-out where we saw a lot of elk. On the trail, we met several Aggies (we are truly everywhere!). One was a Navasota teacher that I worked with when I was a master's student at A&M.

It was windy up there. We think Olsen looks like a superhero in this picture with his intense eyes, clenched fist, and hair flying out of his helmet.

Wednesday: Adrian hiked Long's Peark, the highest point in the Park and one of the Colarado 14'ers, while Olsen had his day of rest. He crawled around and played a lot AND practiced his walking!

Thursday: We strolled around Lily Lake and showed Olsen the ducks and baby ducks. Then we went to the Baldpate Inn, which has the world's largest collection of keys.

They even have a key of the White House, sent by George Bush, Sr. Many people leave keys there as well. We ate the famous bread, salad, and soup buffet at the Inn. It was really good. One lady told us that her oldest child wore a helmet when she was younger. It's nice when people do that, because we did get a lot of stares this week - I guess because we were exposed to a lot more people the whole week. Oh well, I think Olsen looks really cute in his helmet. It seems to emphasize his cute face. We spent the rest of the day walking along downtown Estes Park.

Friday: We went down to the Wild Basin area of the Park and did a very short hike to Copeland Falls. If we ever come back to the Park, I'd like to continue on the trail to the Calypso Cascades and Ouzel Falls, but we needed to get back to the cabin so we could clean it before we left.

We left Estes at about 5:30 pm and drove through to get back to Logan. Olsen was really nice and pretty much slept after we stopped for dinner. He had one moment where he was upset but we were in WY and there was nowhere to stop for 30 miles. By the time we reached a place to stop, he had fallen back asleep, poor thing. We arrived back in Logan at 3 in the morning.

It was a great vacation. Olsen really improved his pointing skills and took his first steps in the cabin. He loved watching the hummingbirds and chipmunks that hung out around the cabin. Now, we are back to reality and have to get back to work! :)

Olsen's one!

Olsen is in his second year of life now. In some ways, it feels like this 1st year has gone by so fast, and other times, it's hard to remember a time when we didn't have our little guy. He had such a fun birthday. It coincides with Pioneer Day, a huge holiday in Utah marking the day when Brigham Young led the Mormons into the Salt Lake Valley, so he gets a parade and fireworks for his birthday! We had some friends over for dinner and cake, and it was nice to have people who wanted to celebrate Olsen's birthday with us.

Olsen is growing to be more and more human-like everyday. He can now clap like a normal person and loves to wave at people. Whenever Adrian or I go out the door, even if it is just to check the mail, he waves at us. He loves music and enjoys beating his drum and tamborine. He can play the kazoo properly and blow into his recorder. His two favorite books are "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" (he always claps when we get to the last page where he turns into a beautiful butterfly) and "Where's Spot?" (he loves to lift up the flap at the end to finally find Spot).

And, he takes real afternoon naps now! It's pretty awesome. AND, I have been eating dairy and he has been eating yogurt and he has had no ill-effects! I think I'll see how he does with cheese soon. I had a few slices of pizzza with cheese tonight, and I think I might prefer my pizza without cheese now - very curious, indeed.

We love our little guy and enjoy watching him grow and develop his personality more and more everyday. It's amazing how much they grow in one short year. We went to an outdoor band concert on campus and saw this tiny newborn baby. It was weird to think that Olsen was that small just a year ago.

Our little Jaggernaut

We now have a little Jaggernaut on our hands. We finally decided to try the helmet with Olsen. I kept looking at his head and noticed that his left side bulges out more, so we went to get it measured again, and it turns out that his head is 7 mm assymmetrical. Insurance covers the helmet at 6 mm off, so he is at the borderline between not helmeting and helmeting. We decided to go ahead and go for it so that we can say we did all we could for him and not have any regrets later. I know that many people that I've talked to say they don't really notice it or that it isn't that bad (but then again, who really wants to tell someone that their baby's head is odd-shaped?), but people also told us that at 5 months and now when I look at videos from then, I think 'gosh, his head looks flat' and I cringe a little that at the time I didn't think enough of it to get his helmet back then. I really don't want to look at videos from now in the future and think the same, so we have gone ahead with this helmet treatment. I dreaded this helmet so much at first, but now I am quite used to seeing my little helmet head.

This is silly but I think that one reason why I dreaded the helmet is because I didn't want to seem like an awful mother who left her baby on his back all day, resulting in a flat head. Before we had Olsen, I was totally aware of the possibilities of babies getting flat heads if left lying on their backs a lot, so I was careful to hold him most of the day and give him plenty of tummy time. He never even sat in a swing (mostly because he hated it) and wasn't really in his carseat that much, so I thought I was doing good. But we did not know about his torticollis until two months in and when he slept on his back, he only turned his head to the right, resulting in that side getting flat. Plus, he did take his naps in his bouncy chair, which probably didn't help things.

I also worried about the helmet because I didn't want to give the impression that I am unhappy with the way my little boy looks or expect him to be perfect. Right now, he is a little older than the ideal age to start the helmet, so he may not get perfect results, and I am okay with that. I just don't want him to have any future ill-effects from assymmetry. I read a couple of articles (from peer-reviewed journals!) that untreated plagiocephaly (flat head syndrome) can cause some issues, like jaw or sinus problems and even learning disabilities, although the articles did not discuss the severity of the plagiocephaly of the research subjects so I'm unclear if these things would apply to Olsen since he is more on the mild side. I also don't want him to feel self-conscious about it in the future. We definitely plan on teaching Olsen that looks mean nothings if not accompanied with a spirit of generosity, empathy, and appreciation.

But, it can still be easy to feel a little self-conscious. I use myself as an example: I was in a pretty serious car accident several years ago and I fractured my spine. I had surgery and rods put it but somehow the part that was fractured slipped forward a little so my neck is not inline properly and comes forward. This makes my posture look awful! And I do feel self-conscious about it, especially when I have to give a talk, since bad posture does not really give the desirable message. But to fix my neck, I would have to have another invasive spinal surgery with a long recovery and all the other risks that come with having a surgery around your spinal cord. My neck issue obviously hasn't bothered me enough to get a second surgery, but if i could fix it just by wearing a huge, cumbersome back brace for a few months, I would totally do it. So, I think if Olsen can get a little bit of correction wearing this helmet for a few months, then it will be worth it. He doesn't mind it at all and the only real negative effect is that people stare at him. But Olsen doesn't understand the stares, so that is really something that I have to deal with. I think, though, that people would probably stare at him anyways, because people generally stare at cute babies.

At first, I was pretty sad about the whole flat head issue and the helmet wearing. Olsen has had a series of small issues in his first year: hip dysplasia, not nursing for two whole months, torticollis, plagiocephaly due to the torticollis, reflux, and milk and soy protein intolerance. These things have all been pretty minor, though at the time of their peaks, they have felt like huge issues to me. But today, Olsen had a follow-up appointment with his ped ortho to check his hips again (they look good!) and we saw several little ones in spica casts to treat their hip dysplasia, while Olsen only had to wear a harness. So, I am thankful that Olsen has been really fortunate that all of his issues have resolved pretty quickly. He has been in good health and has actually not been technically sick yet. I think we will make it through this whole helmet/plagiocephaly issue as well.

restricted access

We got a steal of a deal on a baby gate on craigslist. We put it up in between the living room and dining room. It's great because this way, Olsen can't wander into the dining room without intense supervision. The dining room is part of the entrance way, so a lot of debris ends up on the carpet that he liked to pick up and put in his mouth. In addition, Lucy likes to carry her food from the kitchen into the dining room carpet and not eat it all, much to Olsen's delight. I feel a little mean restricting the little guy, but I think it's for the best, since I don't vaccum everyday, like I probably should.

* there are still hazards in the living room, as you can see. We have a lot more baby proofing to do!

hiking

The weather in Logan has been quite strange lately. It has been raining for a week and the temperatures have been in the upper 50s - 60s. From what I understand (from others and from being here last summer), it is generally quite hot and dry at this point in the summer. Every once in awhile the sun will break through for a spell and it is beautiful. We took advantage last Saturday to try our new baby carrier backpack.

Olsen actually seemed to like it and had a great view of the scenery. Every once in awhile he would take advantage of his position to pull Adrian's ears.

Lucy had a good time as always. We didn't hike for very long. We came across this in the trail and I wasn't sure if I wanted to try crossing with Olsen in the pack.

Overall, I think the pack is great and it will be handy when we go to Colorado. I'm just not entirely sure where his head goes when he falls asleep.

Home again

We're back from a whirlwind TX trip. We went to Pearland, where Adrian's parents live and to Corpus, where my parents live. Olsen's grandparents were very excited to see little Olsen. He is pretty cute now and fun to watch. He still cries when people he doesn't know hold him, though. He likes to watch new people and even climb on them, but if they hold him, he generally cries. We will need to try and work on that, especially if we ever need someone else to watch Olsen. However, one day when in Corpus, my aunts and uncle came to see Olsen, and he let everybody hold him! I'm not sure what was different about that day. He had a bad night of sleep that night but took a nice long morning nap. I guess the nap refreshed him and put him in an extra good mood.

We had a nice time. Olsen went swinging and swimming almost everyday. And he took his first trip to the beach! He also got to play with his friends, Raley and Krysta. Olsen did great on the plane both ways, but it did take a lot of effort on my and Adrian's part to keep him fully entertained, since he could not crawl around. It was nice to see family, and in some ways I was sad to leave, especially my parents' house since it seems like I don't get to go there too often. But, it was also probably time to come home, since Olsen was starting to get crankier the last few days and Adrian and I were getting tired. I think Lucy missed us, too.

clapping by Olsen

We went to a friend's house the other day for a farewell BBQ for Sara who is off to Montana after finishing her masters. Bec has a little girl, Lola, who is exactly 2 weeks older than Olsen. She is super smart and if you say, "Lola, clap," she immediately claps her hands together. Olsen is not quite at that point, and I don't think his fine motor skills are as advanced as Lola's, but he's working on it. Here's Olsen's version of clapping.

 

the chase

Here is a video of one of Olsen's favorite games. This video is almost a month old, and he can crawl so much faster now. He's still not close to walking, though. I think he wants to be like Lucy and stay on all fours.

beets!

This is a picture of Olsen after eating some beets. It looks like he has some red lipstick on. He actually seems to like the beets and opens his mouth wide when they are offered. To be honest, I do not care for beets. But I know that they are supposed to be amazingly good for you. I am trying to get us to eat much more healthily, because I get the feeling that soon Olsen will not be satisfied with a bowl of beets while I'm eating half a pizza...

Mother's Day!

I had a great Mother's Day! It started with breakfast in bed: cereal, a poptart, and jello with fruit. Cooking isn't Adrian's strong point, but it was great. Olsen had gotten me a collection of Burt's Bees lotions and soaps with a really nice note. And then, Adrian and Lucy planted me a gala apple tree! There was also a package of oreos in the mix as well (they are dangerously dairy-free). 

The day was excellent and work-free. It is amazing how I just love my little guy to pieces, and he isn't even 10 months old yet. Being a mom is really an incredible role, and I am so happy that I have been blessed to experience it!

Olsen and me by the apple tree.

jogging finally!

I have gone jogging twice this week! After I put Olsen to bed, I have gone jogging, while Adrian goes jogging (he probably actually goes running) while I am going through Olsen's bedtime routine. It has been nice, but I am pretty slow these days. Adrian and I used to run together around the A&M campus. He was always ahead of me, but I could still see his back. There is something about seeing someone's back that encourages you to run faster and longer. Now I am on my own, so I will have to push myself. These past two nights, I have jogged up to campus and through it a little bit and then back down. It is nice being up on the campus and looking down at the valley with the surrounding mountains.

I do have an awesome jogging stroller that my dad got me for Christmas. I love it, and I take Olsen and Lucy for walks everyday with it.  It was especially nice in the winter, because it can navigate through the snow and ice with such ease, compared to our other, huge travel system stroller (which I might not have gotten in retrospect). However, I am still a little afraid to jog with it, because I don't like the idea of Olsen's head being too rattled. I think this is a little bit of an irrational fear, because the stroller is designed to absorb the bumps, plus Olsen's head is pretty well attached at this point. But still...I worry. Maybe sometime soon I will jog with Olsen. Perhaps, next week, when Adrian is out of town for his short course, and I will be unable to jog at night alone.  

decisions, decisions, decisions

I think the hardest part about being a mom is making choices for my little person, who is not able to make his own decisions. I need to try and make the best choices possible for my little guy, because I want the best for him. I can do all the research in the world, but a lot of the times, it still just comes down to what Adrian and I think is best. Lately, I have gone back and forth about our decision to not get Olsen a helmet for his head shape. His head is still a little flat on the right side. 

Olsen must have been crammed in my uterus and was born with hip dysplasia and torticollis. His ped caught the hip dysplasia right away, but we didn't realize he had torticollis until his 2 month appointment. I had noticed that he had a tilt at times and liked looking right, but I mostly just thought that was due to having a heavy head and weak neck. But apparently, his neck muscle was extremely tight and he couldn't turn left (maybe Zoolander had torticolllis). We only had him on his back when he was sleeping, but his head got a little flat on the right since that was the only way he would turn his head when on his back. We went to physical therapy and did a lot of stretching. His tort resolved pretty quickly, but we had to be really vigilant about repositioning him. I almost wanted to go ahead and get him a helmet to reshape his head, but insurance requires two-month of repositioning. And most people I talked to said it wasn't that bad. He had no facial asymmetry. Even my mom thought he looked fine, and she can be somewhat critical at times. And I honestly wanted to avoid having him wear a helmet since he already had to wear a hip harness. 

His head has improved and he is actually only 3 mm flatter on his right than his left, but he still has this flatness to his head. I think in general his head naturally doesn't come out as much and this is emphasized on the right side. I can tell his head is more flattish when I look at other babies. I just hope it doesn't bother him when he's older. I have never really noticed people's head shapes before, so I hope others don't really look at that also. I just wonder sometimes if we made the right choice in not going for the helmet. But his face is as cute as ever, so I'm trying not to worry about it too much...

cognitive enhancers?

My semester is over, so I am done with course work until the fall. Now, I can concentrate on my research. I need to finish my proposal and work on a couple of papers. I hope these things get done this summer. Sometimes, I enjoy my role as a graduate student, and I am so glad that I can stay home with Olsen. But other times, I wish I was solely a stay-at-home-mom. I can think of a lot of things I can do with the time I use for school work, like sleeping, cleaning, exercising, thoroughly filling out Olsen's baby book, reading, organizing all of Olsen's inherited clothes...I get overwhelmed sometimes when I think of the things that I need to try and find time to do. 

If I wasn't breastfeeding, I would be tempted to take Adderall or modafinil. I'm just kidding - the side effects of all drugs tend to freak me out. But I read an article a couple of days ago about the rise of people taking drugs like Adderall as a "cognitive enhancer." I found it interesting and disturbing. The article raised the question of how this use of these types of drugs can lead to "cosmetic neurology." In the future, will people who refuse to take these drugs be at a disadvantage? Does the use of these drugs, limit creative thinking, and are we teaching our young people to learn in only certain kinds of ways? The author of the article feared we would be raising a generation of very "focused accountants", hee hee, that makes me laugh (not that there is anything wrong with being an accountant). Of course, the other side of the debate was discussed too. Could the use of these drugs as a cognitive enhancer level the playing field for those not as fortunate to have a good education? Can we really look down on people who use these drugs when they still have to be motivated to finish the task at hand in the first place? For me, I get a little concered when I think about how this fast-paced life doesn't seem to be slowing down any time soon. While the use of these cognitive enhancers might help people get more work done than they may have been able to do without it, I think that there will just always be more to do and more demands on our time. For now, I'll just do the best that I can. 

teeth!

Thurday, I saw two little white slits in Olsen's lower gums. Teeth are coming! It is a little bittersweet, because while it's always exciting to see evidence of Olsen growing up, I will miss that toothless smile. However, according to Mariann, it can take up to two weeks until his teeth are totally out, so we still have more time with gummy grins.

Olsen has officially graduated from physical therapy! His torticollis is resolved and he has full range of motion in his neck. I think his physical therapist was a little sad to see him go. He has certainly come a long way, from crying a lot during PT to happy and playing instead. She said that she will always remember little Olsen.

At 8.5 months, Olsen:

crawls everywhere in a super quick manner.

pulls up to standing.

gets really mad when I try to change his diaper.

eats a small variety of solids.

babbles with consonent sounds.

sleep training?

Our little Olsen is not the best sleeper. He's pretty bad about taking naps, except for in my arms. The instant I try to put the little guy down, he awakens, usually in a sad, indignant manner. Recently, I thought it would be cool if Olsen would sleep in his crib at night in his room, mostly because his crib looks really comfy to me and I selfishly enjoy the idea of having our room to ourselves again. 

Olsen can't really fall asleep on his own yet. He usually likes to nurse to sleep or be rocked to sleep. The past few days, I have nursed him to sleep and then I carefully put him in his crib. He sleeps for about 20 minutes and awakens with some tears. So, I nurse him again and put him back in his crib where he will sleep for an hour. Then he awakens. Then I move him back into our room. Last night, he actually slept for about 6 hours after being moved back into our room, so I was glad about that. Sometimes he wakes up a lot and so we end up co-sleeping with him so that he can basically be attached to the boob all night.

So that has been my method of sleep training. not very effective really, but I don't want to do the whole cry it out method, because I feel that sometimes as Americans we really stress the importance of independence a little too early in life. Olsen is not even 6 months old yet, and I don't think he's meant to be able to do things independently. He needs me to help him sleep and that is one of my jobs as his mom. After all, the way I see it is that as his mom I actually have very few years where I will be the most important person to him, because nobody likes a momma's boy after a certain age. So I will relish these moments when it is only me that Olsen wants and needs. :)